Well I’m still here…. no surgery yet but I am in hospital.

My surgeon has tried every other avenue available before resorting to surgery. I’m really grateful he’s tried all other options before taking that last big step. I’ve had nerve blocks and a low epidural and an injection into my hamstring attachment all trying to alleviate the pain i am experiencing. And it has to a degree but not at the source. I think I’m just unlucky! And this is from a woman who thinks she is generally a lucky person.

I’m lucky in so many ways. I have a good marriage, a wonderful daughter and son-in-law, great friends and live my life in ways that I enjoy. I’ve survived two cancers (so far :)) That’s lucky isn’t it?

So this little patch is not so good but I’m working hard to contain all fears and worries and place my trust and faith in my surgeons.  

Since my last post, the pain has increased considerably on standing and after any attempts to sit. So, I’ve basically been just laying around for the last 8 weeks. The pain management specialist I originally had for my surgery has become involved and has organised an increase in the intensity of drugs I am being given. And, ultimately an admission to hospital, so she could better manage my pain and my surgeons could work out a plan to address the problem.

I’m back in my “old” ward and there are quite a few nurses that I know from last time. That’s pretty special. They are all just great. So I’ve enjoyed seeing them all. It’s just a shame about the circumstances.

I have spent quite a bit of time in the last 8 weeks being somewhat lazy…. it’s hard to concentrate with pain so good old Netflix to the rescue. But that becomes very tedious after a while so I put my mind to thinking about what I could do. 

Many years ago (about 20) I bought a cross stitch sampler kit and never got around to starting it. So I decided this was the perfect time to make a start. It’s an alphabet sampler and who knows, my daughter might need it one day :). Here’s a pic of what it will ultimately look like and what I’ve done to date. I’m making hay while the sun shines and getting as much done as I reasonably can while I’m still feeling good. 

I try to do some every day and have some music playing while I work. One of the nurses came in the other day – I had some classical music playing and was doing cross stitch. She said it was very cultured in my room.. I had to laugh. Some days it’s the blues, others rock and then classical on others. Gotta love variety. 

One of the really joyous traditions in this hospital is the playing of a sweet chime throughout the hospital whenever a baby is born. It went six times the other day. It really gives me enormous pleasure to think of a little soul arriving in the world.

My thoughts keep turning to the things I still would like to do in life. There’s a lot I still have to do. There’s a trip to Italy I dearly want to do, Greece is on my list and the Cook Islands look very inviting. And then there’s all those music festivals and concerts I’d love to go to. Overseas travel is not my husband’s idea of fun but I have a girlfriend who has promised me we will go together. Definitely going to hold her to that. But I think he’d love a visit to the Cook Islands. I Google the areas I’m interested in and dream. Got to keep the motivation up :).

As for those things I’ve procrastinated about doing…… well this sort of situation puts all that in perspective. I thought I’d addressed this and have done some of them but there will be a lot more happening if I come out of this unscathed.

It makes me think of all the things that many of us procrastinate about doing. How we limit ourselves in so many ways. Are women more inclined to do this than men? I don’t know but it seems to be something I hear from many women.

So my surgeons are trying to work out how they will address this problem I have. They haven’t seen it happen before and it may mean some fairly serious surgery or it might be quick and easy…..hope so :). I’m on a cocktail of drugs to keep the pain under control. In fact, I noticed a definite rattle when I was walking the other day. Well something has to be done I can’t go on like this.

Something that is very interesting to me is the absolute contradiction in feelings that I have about this upcoming surgery. On one hand I want to rush towards it with arms outstretched saying, “Yes! Let’s get this thing done. I’m ready to resolve the problem and the pain.” And on the other hand, I just want to run away. There is too much knowledge about what is to come. It could be another long healing and recovery period.

My surgeon quickly visited me the other morning. He and my plastic surgeon have to meet to make a plan for this surgery. They are both busy people and it’s hard for them both to be in the same place at the same time. So patience is required. More cross stitch.

So the news hot off the press is I’m having surgery tonight. This is exploratory….. might fix the problem or it might be a stage 1 of more to come. Time will tell.

I saw a rather lovely quote this morning:

Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again;
We had longer ways to go.
But no matter, the road is life

Jack Kerouac

Nanette xx

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